Kelley Irwin

One day this week (Dec 2023), Dad asked if I was going to the car hospital. Knowing you just go with the flow, I said I could go if he needed me to.

When I am not with my parents in person, we video chat every day. When the phone rings, he says brightly “I bet that is KJ.” (nickname for me) We get on the phone, I make sure he is looking at me, and I say loudly and full of energy “HI DAD!” He smiles, laughs a little, and sometimes has a tear of happiness in his eye. This is our routine and he enjoys it.

It doesn’t matter if I am at home, in a store, on a break from a meeting, on the side of the road, or coming out of the doctor’s office like last week, I give him the same energy and I receive the same rewarding smile in return.

Me: HI DAD!
Dad: Hi honey.
Me: You look good.
Dad: I am good.
Me: How’s your day? I heard you went for a ride to see the Christmas lights.
Dad: (looks at mom and whispers “Did we?” – she says yes) Yes, we did. Now, will you be going to the car hospital?
Me: I can go if you need me to.
Dad: Yes, that will be good.
Me: Do you think it will be ready in the morning?
Dad: Yes, I think so. It will probably be $300.
Me: That’s not too bad. Maybe I’ll ask you to split it with me.
Dad: Okay. I never could say no to you.
Me: You know I’ll do anything you need me to.
Dad: I know. Thanks. I’ll see you soon.
Me: Okay, have a great dinner. I love you Dad.
Dad: I love you KJ. Be careful.

And that’s it for today.

Note: I assume he means the car is with a mechanic, but I don’t clarify. We have no cars in the shop at this time.

It has been one year since we received a formal medical diagnosis of dementia. Some days, the conversation after the greeting is about real things that are happening, some days he is too distracted to talk more than the greeting and loving good-bye, and some days like this one we talk about things that are not based in current reality. I appreciate each interaction regardless of topic. And I’ve learned to be ready for anything and pivot to his topic of the moment.