Kelley Irwin

#one day last week (Aug 2025), over dinner my friend asked how much I text with my sweet Mom. I said she texts me 40-60 times per day.

Many of us who are care partners of aging parents try to help with the big things – getting the air conditioning fixed, taking the car in for service, calling the insurance company to straighten out a problem. I’ve done all these over the past year. These are just things. Important, yes. But let’s dig deeper.

My friend then asked if I responded to all the texts. I replied, “Yes, why wouldn’t I?”

She wasn’t asking because she disagreed. She wondered how I had the time. I never really thought of it that way. When we are taking action to support those we love, we don’t find the time. We make the time. For a new baby, a sick friend, an elderly parent.

Before my Dad was ill, Mom sent me texts once a week. Updated me, asked questions, planned visits. I know the change is because she lost her life partner. The person she talked with all day and shared her thoughts. If my Mom said she was going out to check the mail, my Dad would jump up and go with her. They shared hopes and dreams, things they were nervous about, and tips for engaging people in conversation when they joined a new group. Plans for travel, opinions, nudges for healthy eating and dental appointments, and reflections on their big, happy, full life.

Mom still has all those thoughts and ideas. She still wants, and needs, to share and confirm and engage. So we text. A lot.

And then, some days there are only a few. Because she’s BUSY. 😊 Like this week-end. She did travel. She did take the plane instead of the car as I had hoped she would.

And then she attended a tail gate party at The Ohio State University season opener and watched them win the game. Oh, yes, and was included in an interview with Lucy Rhoden. Go figure.