Kelley Irwin

#one day (Aug 2022), my sweet Mom and I sat in the office of an attorney who specializes in elder care. It was overwhelming and necessary, emotional and productive. We walked out 2 hours later with a plan that served all of us well for the next few years.

At the time, we were 90 days away from a formal diagnosis of dementia for my dear Dad. In retrospect, Dad knew before we did. Over the prior year, he had been introducing me to their bank manager, their insurance agent, and their lawyer. Gently.

Dad: I have to run to the bank. You should come with me.

Dad: I’m going to discuss our insurance renewal. Why don’t we stop there before we pick up your mom.

Dad: One day, your Mom will need help from you and your brothers. Come. Not on the phone, in person. Promise me.

Dad knew.

On this day, I found myself discussing wills, financial power of attorney (or durable POA), and medical POA (or healthcare POA). We also discussed names on the house deed, car titles, and utility bills. We discussed beneficiaries on insurance policies, CDs, and savings bonds. We covered joint accounts vs individual accounts.

The attorney walks us through everything in detail. He explains how certain decisions can make things easier during the times of stress we envision in our future. He gave advice on actions to take to ensure resources are in place for Dad in the event Mom is not there to care for him. At this point, I gasped and Mom teared up.

I took 8 pages of notes while Mom listened and asked questions. When we completed discussing each item on the attorney’s list of things to think about, I asked him to give me the top 3 and the next 3 things to do. He knew the answers immediately.

As we prepared to leave, Charles turned the conversation to the personal. He asked how my dear Dad was doing. He asked if my sweet Mom was also taking care of herself. And then he hugged us both.

His advice and expertise were needed and welcomed. We tackled numbers 1-3 that day. Over the next 2 weeks, we handled numbers 4-6. And within two months, we did the rest.

(Photo outside his office from our follow-up meeting when we had completed our list. We didn’t look this good the first day.)