Kelley Irwin

#one day last week (July 2025), my sweet Mom had a birthday lunch. Privately, I had worried she wouldn’t make this milestone.

We’ve all heard stories of long, happy marriages where the second spouse dies hours or days after the first spouse. People say they died of heartbreak, like they were meant to finish together. I definitely did not want to lose my sweet Mom this way. But I worried about it.

My dear Dad died in Nov 2024 after living with dementia for several years.

When Dad first experienced health problems in 2021, my sweet Mom said quietly, “I can’t imagine living without your Dad.”

When Dad was diagnosed with dementia in 2022, my sweet Mom said quietly, “I’m not meant to live without your Dad.”

When it was obvious my dear Dad was nearing his final days in 2024, my sweet Mom said quietly, “I dont know how to live without your Dad.”

Each time we wrapped Mom up with family, friends, and community. We supported her and encouraged her. We didn’t take over her life. We cheered her on as she said yes to people, places, and things so she could enjoy living her life.

When caring for a spouse with dementia, your world becomes very focused on their needs. We watched as Mom gently expanded her life again. She rejoined her Friday bridge group. She joined her church choir. She started golfing again. She travels to see family. Her three kids have become her travel agents. We “watch her dot” if she drives out of town. We join her on flights. We advise her in person, through text, and on FaceTime. We celebrate each of her wins.

She’s still sad every day. It’s a part of her day, not the point of her day.

My sweet Mom has always been smart, capable, and interested in life. She has several groups of friends and many interests. She just didn’t know how much she could handle without Dad by her side. For 65 years, she never needed to.