Kelley Irwin

#one day I understood the ritual for a person with dementia may be more important than the actual object. For my dear Dad, it was the ritual of his glasses.

When a loved one with dementia is unable to find the words, they can still speak with their body language.

This day, Dad is looking around and taps the side of his face with his fingers.

Me: Hey Dad. What’s up?
Dad: I don’t know.
Me: What don’t you know?
Dad: (Taps the side of his face again. Then touches both sides of his face, leaving his hands there, and purses his lips.)
Me: Are you looking for something?
Dad: Yes.
Me: (Thinking…) Are you looking for your glasses?
Dad: Yes. (Big smile as if we both just won a prize.) Do you know where they are?
Me: I don’t, but I’ll look for them.

I found his glasses and he was happy to be reunited. Dad didn’t need the glasses 🤓 to function, but they were a part of him. He took them off at every meal and placed them on the table. Despite wearing glasses for 50 years, he removed them for photos. He wasn’t missing them for their use, but for the ceremony of taking them off and putting them on.

I learned along the way with Dad that we could still communicate, just with different tools.

I didn’t understand at first to listen with my eyes. How could I?

(photo of Mom and Dad at kitchen counter)