Kelley Irwin

#one day I understood that dementia patients may remember traditions deep in their soul.

My dear Dad was a person who loved traditions. This included holidays like Christmas and Thanksgiving, Halloween and Easter, and even April Fools day.

When a loved one with dementia is unsure of the date, you might be tempted to skip celebrations. This could be a missed opportunity for some fun and laughs and joy for both of you.

Dad never wanted to be the center of attention, but he did like to be recognized. He enjoyed his birthday and encouraged all of us to feel the same when our turn came around.

His last birthday was special for its simplicity and his joy.

Just after breakfast…

Me: Hey Dad, we got cupcakes for your birthday.

Dad: Is it my birthday today?

Me: Yes, it is.

Dad: How old am I?

Me: How old do you think?

Dad: I think 65.

Me: How about 87?

Dad: No, that can’t be right. (And winks to my Mom) Now where are the cupcakes?

Me: I thought we’d eat them after lunch.

Dad: Why should we wait?

Me: Why indeed.

We ate cupcakes as our breakfast dessert and sang Happy Birthday. At lunch, we enjoyed a cake and sang again. Dad didn’t remember the cupcakes so it was like a new birthday celebration. At dinner, Mom mentioned his birthday. He asked if we would have cake. Mom said “Not right now, but I have a treat for you” and handed him a mini chocolate. His face lit up.

He knew he liked his birthday. We knew he liked to celebrate and that it didn’t have to be elaborate.

I learned along the way with Dad.

I didn’t know how much a simple gesture could produce joy even when it didn’t result in new memories. How could I?