Kelley Irwin

#one day I realized I could share Dad’s memories with him by telling him stories. This made all the difference.

When a loved one has dementia, we want to help. I asked him questions starting with “Do you remember …?” It took me weeks to realize this wasn’t helpful. If Dad couldn’t remember, he would pretend he remembered or worse, just feel bad. He could see from my face that it was a story or event or person he should know and he wanted to make me happy. I thought with enough prompts, the memory would come back to him.

I tried a new approach. It went like this…

Me: Hey Dad. I remember when Clayton (my son) got his new car. He was excited to show you because you always loved sports cars.
Dad: That’s nice.
Me: You asked him to take you for a spin. His face lit up and you two went off for an adventure.
Dad: I bet we did.
Me: I have a picture here. Let me show you.
Dad: We look happy, don’t we?
Me: You sure do. You always make your grandkids feel special.
Dad: 😊 Thanks.

I learned along the way with Dad how to adjust my approach. I didn’t know at first. How could I?

(photo of Dad and Clayton in the car)