Kelley Irwin

One day this week (Mar 2024), I asked Dad how he was. He said much better now since your mom isn’t dead.

He says this to me as he and my Mom are sitting together as close as two people can be in one lazy-boy chair.

I’m sure my face looked as confused to him as his words sounded to me. I narrowed my eyes, processed his words, wondered where that came from, and prepared my response.

I’m getting good at this. Sometimes I worry I am too good. I can hear a sentence or a story with no relevance to reality and carry on a lengthy conversation as though it is a normal day.

I knew this one needed diversion and not elaboration. I replied – “that is good indeed”. Then I told him I thought he was lucky to have such a loving wife to spoil him. He gave me his crinkle up smile and said “yes, I am lucky”. We talked of other things and he didn’t return to the killing story this day.

We are 16 months post the formal medical diagnosis of dementia.

I am equally intrigued and troubled as he is often upset about a person in the family being dead who is very much alive. I don’t know if this is a common dementia symptom. I’m too tired these days to look it up and have decided it’s not important to know the answer. It’s only important to care for him and find ways for us to enjoy time together, smiling and laughing as often as possible.

This is my Dad.