Kelley Irwin

One day in Sep 2023, I collapsed after taking communion and Mom (a tiny warrior!) caught me. I was overwhelmed that Dad was not beside me.

I felt sad walking into church without him, sitting in ‘his seat’ in the pew, having people ask how he was doing. This is fairly normal and I didn’t think I was especially emotional on this day. Standing up, walking back to the pew, as I approached the steps, the tears poured out and my legs gave way.

It has been one year since we received a formal medical diagnosis of dementia.

It is hard to describe the feelings when a loved one is afflicted with this terrible disease. There is no ‘fight’ to wage, no ‘beating it’, no remission to hope for. There is decline and adjustment and acceptance. I hope that is not always the case, but for now this is the reality.

I seem to get through the bigger moments (Father’s Day, birthdays) better than the small ones. I guess I prepare for the emotions on those days. Little things I did with my parents feel so wrong without Dad by my side, hand on my shoulder offering a word or a smile.

Mom and I got through this together. Later that day, when Dad asked how our day was we simply said, “pretty good, and how about you?” And we listened to his story that day about having to drive the bus and nobody was ready on time. (There is no bus and he never drove one.)

Be kind to your loved ones dealing with dementia. Be supportive of your friends who may be handling this in their family. Your words of acknowledgement and support for what they are experiencing will mean more than you can ever imagine.

NOTE that every supportive comment you post is shared with Mom and Dad! They perk up knowing they are in your thoughts.

Photo of me and Mom and Dad leaving church on a good day in 2022.