Kelley Irwin

One day this week (Aug 2023), Dad looked at me and said “I think I might be having memory problems.”

I burst out laughing. He asked if I was laughing at him. I quickly composed myself and said no, I was laughing at the song on the radio and gave him a hug.

We are ten months after a formal medical diagnosis of dementia.

There is no question anymore Dad is having memory issues. There is also no pattern (to us) of what he remembers or doesn’t remember, or how fast it can change.

We played cards on the week-end. When his turn came, he confidently played the right card following suit and smiling at his success. The next turn, he threw down a card that had no relation to the hand being played. The third turn, he was back on track. This change was occurring within 30 seconds each time.

He accurately read a one page daily devotion to me yesterday. And then explained the meaning with clarity and confidence.

Today I named 17 of his family members and he spelled each name for me. He stumbled only once and quickly recovered. He told me his age and my mom’s age.

Last week, he had difficulty stating his own name and his age. He looked to my mom for hints.

Today he shared a long story about his work. His boss was completing the assignments and would leave the paperwork on his desk for Dad to complete on Monday. His boss gave him the rest of the week off so he could spend time with his family. (None of this is true. My dad #retired over 20 years ago.)

There are moments you can start to believe maybe his memory isn’t failing as much as we thought. The switch then happens in an instant. The actual events and false beliefs are equally real in the dementia patient’s mind. If you were listening in our conversations, you would probably believe my dad is still working at this office job. The details he described, the commitment he had, and the process he mentioned were all very convincing. And he was happy to talk about it, even mentioning that the boss was counting on him and he couldn’t let him down. Just like he worked all his life.

Photo of Mom and Dad today as we shared a few laughs.