Kelley Irwin

One day in June 2022, Dad asked me the same question 15 times in a row and offered the same advice each time. We were 5 months away from a formal medical diagnosis of dementia.

I was fixing the sprinkler hose at my parents house that was leaking. In hindsight, the day is funny. At the time, it was not.

Dad and I wandering around The Home Depot to find a piece of sprinkler pipe and connectors to put in either end as I slipped it into the area that had the leak. I didn’t know what I was doing and Dad was confused. We left Mom in the garden section of the store and she got worried because we weren’t in the place we were supposed to meet.

I worked on the leak. Dad asked what I was doing, offered advice, watched for a while, and left. Came back and repeated the sequence. 15 times. Anyone caring for a parent with dementia knows that I am not exaggerating. Add 90F temps with some humidity and you can feel my pain.

I thought Dad was just frustrated because he wasn’t able to fix it himself. I thought he was trying to support me, micro managing, and worried I might make it worse.

Dementia symptoms are easier to see in the rear view mirror. I didn’t know.