Kelley Irwin

One day in Nov 2020, Dad slipped the bill at the restaurant to Mom to handle. I was aware this was out of pattern. The thought of dementia never entered my mind, but I did know this moment meant something.

I wondered if he needed new glasses. I wondered if his intermittent trembling hand was bothering him and he would have trouble signing. I smiled and asked why he gave her the bill. He simply said “sometimes she likes to do it” (not true) and continued the conversation on a new topic.

In December, he casually asked his doctor what all the hype was about these medicines that improve your memory.

It would be two years later we received the official medical diagnosis of dementia. I was talking with a friend today and wondered aloud if any family is surprised by the actual diagnosis when it happens.

There are signs along the way and this is why you find yourself sitting in a neurologist office. Each one by itself and even a few put together could just be caused by too much on the mind, moving too fast, talking while trying to execute a task that requires attention.

The “patient”, especially if it is a parent used to protecting you as the child, is good at masking worries. Dad became a master at this. If you asked what he had for lunch, he would pause and look at Mom and say “Honey, what did we have?”  It sounded innocent and he had asked her these kinds of questions for 60 years – what was that hotel we stayed in, when is my brother’s birthday, what time is the party? He didn’t, however, ask her about something he had just experienced a few hours before.

I look back on that day in the restaurant as the first time my senses told me something was up. I’m sure there were moments before that one that I missed.

(Photo of Mom and Dad at Christmas)